Our journey down dementia lane

Perhaps everyone feels like they are the first to enter into the difficult world of dementia; of committing their parent to the loving, safe care of a facility, wondering if they are doing the "right" thing. Feeling insecure and unsure and yet finding all other solutions unacceptable, finds our family clinging to the Father, asking for wisdom from above.

Already well into the 50's, I find myself treading lightly, realizing that I am not that many footsteps behind my parents. After years of relying on my parents "to always be there", I realize that this is the time in my life to "be there for my parents." I wish I could say that everything I do for them makes them feel happy. I realize too, that my own children are in the background watching what I do. Do I really care for my parents or are they easily "disposed of and forgotten?" Do I favor one parent over the other or do I weigh carefully the needs of each of them?

I care for my parents. I had forgotten how much. It is easier to visit with them in their new environments as the weight of life has been lifted from their shoulders. I enjoy hearing their stories and reminiscing over the relics from the past.

What has become most difficult is the disease that has overcome my father, vascular dementia. It appears that the part of his brain most affected is the decision making area. His ability to control emotions is also affected. He remains high functioning though, able to remember many details. The disease also seems to weave in and out, taking over then letting go a bit.

In our beginning down this lane, we have found it necessary to do several things.
1. Remind dad that we love him dearly and that we are proud of him. Our love for him is not based on his actions or his ability to cope with life.
2. Remain in close contact with family members appreciating what each of us bring to the table.
3. Cry ... It's okay to mourn for the dad we knew and to realize that everything we see now is not necessarily "suppressed thoughts."
4. Laugh ... We are not laughing at our parent. Rather, we laugh to release the anxiety within us all. We must find humor to survive the present.
5. Remembering good times from the past, embracing the good, forgetting the bad ... this is a time of reflection and gives us a chance to verbalize to dad how much he has meant to us.
6. Be amazed! It is amazing to realize how He can use the foolish things to astound the wise. Even with the disease, my father is able to play guitar and harmonica at the same time, sing with a clear voice, and remember words to songs none of the rest of us can remember.

More later on our journey onward.